Hot flash!

Technical difficulties having to do with the number of working hours in a week and the inability of LRK to produce satisfactory clones has delayed the promised announcement for today. But fortunately, my excellent friends at the Seattle Mystery Bookstore have stepped into the breach, with the following hot news flash (and if you know where the report originated or know of any AP wire photos on the subject, please don’t hesitate to let us all know more) :

A stunning announcement from Britain has rocked the scientific and literary world for the second time this Spring as a multinational team of archeologists report having found the ossuary of Sherlock Holmes.

“We’ve been searching for his resting place for decades, though most have laughed at us”, said lead researcher Dr. I. M. Bruce-Partington. “Clues as to the burial grounds of the Great Detective were carefully hidden within the Canon and, with the help of the latest AI from around the Globe, we were able to crack the case. It was a solution worthy of the Great Man himself.”

The exact location of the find was kept secret to ensure treasure hunters, true believers and members of the Moriarity Crime Syndicate wouldn’t be able to disrupt the work. Thought to be sited somewhere to the Northwest of London, deep in the Moors. “While the Moors are thought to be largely boggy, it has been widely known within the geological community – as well as the archeological community, I should add – that cave-like structures do occur and are quite stable and dry.” Explained Dr.Charles Milverton. “The spot we’ve been excavating is quite large and contains a number of boxes related the Holmes family, as well as boxes we believe to be associated with them.”

According to Dr. Jonathan Small, the first ossuary to be discovered bore marks that were quite difficult to decipher. “The marks seemed to be saying ‘my crafts’ as if we were going to find knitting needles or paintbrushes inside. Our cryptographer, Gloria Scott, recognized it to read MYCROFT, and from there it all began to make sense. We have no unearthed ossuarys holding the remains of Mrs. Hudson, John and Mary Watson – those were found in a niche with a number of old battered metal dispatch boxes – our literary investigator, Professor L.S. Klinger, is pouring over those and his report will be forthcoming – in a separate niche. We are most puzzled by the recent discovery of 5 other limestone boxes. Tests are still ongoing and we are not confident, at this time, to announce whose remains those might contain.” One of the most intriguing is one which bears the damaged carving “Maria de Frans—”. The American specialist Leigh Richards has been called in to work on that stone container.

The literary world has been ablaze with comments and controversy. Most mainline, serious critics have railed at the thought that Sherlock Holmes could have been a real person. “What’s next?” demanded Thorneycroft Huxtable, MA, PhD, “The crypt of James Bond, Miss Marple’s headstone?” Reached at the prestigious Istituto per gli studi religiosi di Bologna, Professor Sabaglione objected strongly: “è questa gente di mistero pazzesca? sta confrontando un detectivo fictional ad una figura santa! deve essere uno scherzo!” A spokesman for the British Crime Writer’s Association, who requested anonymity, expressed guarded enthusiasm. “This is something like the discovery of Dead Sea Scrolls, I should think. Just imagine how this could change our understanding of the beginning of the mystery story.”

Most excited seems to be the Minister of Tourism and Visitors, Frances Carfax. “We in Her Majesty’s Government are quite thrilled with the possibilities this scientific discovery may provide. Sherlock Holmes is a beloved figure world ’round and, if this cannot be proven beyond a doubt to be the final resting for Mr. Holmes, his believers will not be deterred and will flock to the site in massive numbers. True believers, as we all know, will bear any effort or cost to be close to those they worship and we very well may see the beginning of a new Holy Land of Literary Greats. The PM and Her Majesty are quite excited.”

San Francisco Holmsian expert Philip Gilbert was unavailable for comment. However, spokesman for the Gathering of Critical Literatis, Sir George Burnwell, retorted “Harumph! Really, Holmes, while an interesting fictional figure of minor importance – good lord, we’re talking about genre fiction, after all – cannot possibly become the central figure of such economic and journalistic focus. These people toss about words like ‘Great’ and ‘Canon’ as if just any creature of fiction can have holiness bestowed upon Him. Anyone believing such rubbish is simply a fool.”

Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    I never doubted Holmes was real. **cough**
    Thanks for a lovely April 1st treat. Loved the notables quoted.

    Strawberry curls

  2. Carlina says:

    I spoke too soon! Now that was a delicious April 1st treat! It made my day, especially since it involved tediously studying bones. Can’t wait to get my hands on his. Oooo…I better call my English colleagues. Wait who said Holmes was not real? He is or was isn’t/wasn’t he?

  3. Anonymous says:

    NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY – I’LL STILL
    BELIEVE!! I DO BELIEVE – I DO BELIEVE
    – I DO BELIEVE!!!

  4. Love Bug says:

    But… but… that would mean he’s …

    No! I won’t accept that! Sherlock Holmes lives!

    What? What’s that you say? *looks at calendar* Ohh…. *sigh of relief*

    😀

  5. "I'm getting too old for this," he muttered says:

    Of course he’s real….but surely he’s not DEAD?

  6. Anonymous says:

    oh my gosh, you got me! so caught up in Palm Sunday I totally forgot it was April Fool’s Day as well … in fact, if not for the other respondents to this post, I might still be completely confused. Thanks, all, for a great giggle!

  7. Anonymous says:

    ah ha! do I detect another story line here…buried deep in Russel’s memoirs, surely not.

    Well done again, Laurie!

    Happy April Fools to all us fools out there.

    M.Diane

  8. Whew! So good to see people agree with me! He is real and he lives! Sherlock Holmes lives!!!

  9. Oh no! That’s anotherfile for Inland Revenue to open.

    What about all the back taxes Sherlock owes?

    Will he be required to get an ID card?

  10. …if only! wouldn’t it be wonderful…
    Thanks so much for a few brief ticks of belief.

  11. Jenni411 says:

    *giggles* I was ready this year! Very clever, thanks!

  12. corgimom says:

    What a delightful post to read the day after attending a staging of JC Superstar, with JC played by that fossil, Ted Neely! Thanks for a wonderful spoof!

  13. D.ustfinger says:

    Spoof? What spoof? Of COURSE he’s real…hahaha! That’s great, Mrs. King. Wish it were true, though…

  14. Anonymous says:

    Expert Leigh Richards, eh? Nicely done!

    Kay

  15. Mr Gilbert? “Unavailable for comment” indeed.

  16. Anonymous says:

    That’s a panel discussion I’d like to see: Leigh Richards, Les Klinger and Drs. Thorneycroft Huxtable and Bruce-Partington. But I’d be wary of that Dr. Milverton. One wonders what little cherry bombs are hidden in the Italian! Thanks for the fun. –Meredith T.

  17. Just stumbled across this chance to send a comment toward you. I adore the books. You have made Holmes REAL in a way that shows the downside of so much brilliant energy, and makes the vast accumulation of his skills, trivia, and knowledge believable. BUT, it has begun to bother me that there is something missing from Mary Russell (It seems to me). A person of her intelligence, energy, (Able to reach partner level with Holmes). I believe, WOULD have hobby interests, she would be DOING things of her own interest and curiosity, not just experiments with Holmes. Something BESIDES religious studies. Although Russell obviously has the intellectual ferocity to focus like a cutting torch through mountains of paper research. It truly dulls the senses; the body, hands and eyes and brain need time spent together on things done in a phisical way. Most extremely intelligent people actually enjoy hand crafts or some sort of art work as a distraction from paperwork because it wakes the body /mind relationship, which in turn is rather relaxing. Anyway, Much as I deeply love, admire, Mary Russell, she seems odd to have no interests at all besides religious studies. And although my Mother was a Biblical Scholar, (No where as driven as Russell). She also became an ardent spelunker, studied geology seriously, painted pictures, made quilts, and did other things as seriously as she could. Well enough complaining. I hope some day to read about the event of her WEARING the fabulous dress the Elves made for her. The silk, one shoulder dress that was an invitation to a riot. I hope the Couple run into Lord Peter Wimsey again, and of course there is always Aleister Crowley….EEEEK.

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